Waffles and Love

Just ordered a commercial grade waffle maker. Remembering those happy times at the top of the gondola at Jackson Hole. Look at that smile! Mmmmm...

Killed my legs at the coldest ever Hill N' Dale this past Saturday at the forest! Took 2nd.

Schnucks on Union sucks! Aside from the cluster-fuck of a parking lot, that place straight-up sucks. The employees are horrible, the store is dirty, and every time I try and just "grab a few things," I leave angrier than Derek Klaybold at a High School Prom. Today, while looking for walnuts, I found a box cutter laying on a shelf. To make matters worse, the shelf was at the ideal height for a 6yr. old. Needless to say, I grabbed the box cutter and went to hand it to one of the fine members of society who Schnucks is so proud to call one of their very own employees. This guy, lets call him "Jevon" to create some imagery, was the first whom I encountered. "Hey man, I found this on a lying on a low shelf back there (while pointing casually behind me) and didn't want a kid to get it" to which Jevon replied "aight". End of story. Now, in no way was I expecting a monetary reward, direct appreciation from the store manager, or a hand job in the bathroom, but a "Thank you" would have been nice.

Random notes you should take to heart:

Charlie makes some killer Biscotti!
Los Comales on Summer is my new favorite Mexican joint.
Its fu*king cold outside!
Dan and Erin throw a great party!
Your dog hates you unless he/she is sleeping on a lazybonesbeds.com/
I have a date with Lisa tonight!...Casey is studying

New Snoop

Got the new Snoop Dogg album yesterday. Sick!! People say "don't judge a book by its cover." But Snoop Dogg has proven that if you put a random assortment of badass "things" on the cover of your new album, people like me are going to buy it. I forget if it was the Skeleton, Martini Glass, LowRider, Dice and Cards, Gin&Juice, Raining Money, 8Ball, or Chopper in the Sky that spoke to me first, but it sure wraps up all my emotions into one beautiful collage.

Hit the gym after work yesterday. Had the place to myself during the 2nd half to my workout, so I got to blare some Ludacris through the speakers. After a quick shower, I headed to pick my mom up for some dinner. Fresh Slices in the dirty Dova for a grilled Ahi tuna sammy and some sweet potato fries, and a slice of chocolate cake for dessert. Got to love my folks. As I drop my mom off at the house after supper, she invites me in to make a few repairs which my father is incapable of doing. Replacing a smoke detector battery (not joking) and repairing the insulation around an exhaust pipe in the attic. For completing the tasks, I left with 2X6 packs of Yuengling beer, a handful of Grapefruits and Oranges, and two big bowls of Chicken Soup (all Jewish households have multiple bowls of Chicken soup prepared and stored at any given time).

Lost in a glass of wine and a new book, a geriatric night was how I topped off the evening.

Got a photo today of me dancing with the lady with the cone boobs. I realize the lighting does not highlight the shape of her breasts, however it does highlight my undies. Enjoy.

Has Kwanzaa began yet?

Saw an article on CNN that Kwanzaa is in a recession. The made-up holiday is fading. Bummer...

Yes, even I love making up fake holidays too, and attempting to make them a tradition, but ultimately they loose steam. Sorry to all you devout Kwanzaa-goers out there, but looks like you will have to settle for the celebration of the birth of my boy, Jesus Christ.

If you give a damn, the last few days for me - Parkway Run on Christmas-Eve in the pouring rain then copius amounts of Vino with the girls, Hike with Charlie and Riley on Christmas then more vino and a movie with Sette, Big Ride in the nasty cold wind on the 26th with Richard and Michael then Craigs 30th B-day at Silkys, Big trail run yesterday with Elizabeth then Chris Chew at the Hi-tone, Batty's party, and dinner with Casey and Lisa.

Got the new Snoop Dog CD today....money!

Thinking an Airstream in somebody's backyard may be my new living situation....really.

New Kicks and Cold Hands

USA Cycling reminder email came today. Time to get my 2010 racing license. Yayy! NOT! I would rather spend $60 for a sandpaper, gravel, and rock salt Enema than give it to that group. I love bicycle racing, appreciate the promoters (except for the dumb fat bit*h in Tour De' Tuscaloosa), and like a few officials. Other than that, it is arguably the largest group of talking fecal matter in the country.

Trying to buy a home. Not working out that well. Will know tomorrow if it is mine or not.

Check out the new kicks (notice the pink socks peeking out)- Thanks to Sette!


Aching to hit the trails this afternoon. Hitting Walnut Grove/ Wolf River trail North toward Summer, onto the abandoned railroad East towards the Jail, behind the Jail (may holla at my boyz) and double track back South to the bridge. Made myself a nice Tarahumara lunch of black beans, corn, green chiles, and loads of Cilantro - should fuel me nicely! Peace-

MexiCAN and Trails weekend

Friday night, chill. Dinner at Harry's Detour then drinks and dessert at Felicia Suzanne's. Felicia is a cool chick. Also goes down as the first Caucasian "Felicia" I have met. She showed me around the unbelievable kitchen and patio, super cool girl, and her food is bomb.

Saturday, freezing cold and overcast. After a few cups of coffee, some cereal, and a big glass of Chia with a splash of lime, I was anxious to get active. To hide from the wind and cold, I aired up the tires on the MTB for the first time in a month and hit the trails.

Story time: I had to run some errands on the way to the trail head, and while making stops I realized I had to pee. Since my bladder is as tough as Iron, I held my pee as long as I could. I finally was so ready to get on my bike, and had to piss like a 3 dicked salamander, so I pulled off of Wolf River Pkwy at the Greenway entrance just East of Kirby. I hop out of the car and since no other cars or form of life was around, I walk in front of the car and start pissing. No need to hide behind a tree, nor take a few extra steps into the woods, just let her rip. As I am just getting the nice arch forming to my urine stream, a speaker comes on and says "Welcome to the Germantown Greenway. We are taking photos for your security". Startled I turn around to see a camera on a pole with a speaker mounted underneath. Ohh well, f*ck it, and I kept pissing. Then as I am getting my bike off the car and shoes on, the same damn voice and message must have played another 3-4X, or every time I triggered the motion detector. This week I am awaiting a knock on the door from the men in blue or a ticket in the mail for public urination, as the camera had a Graham Watson view of my license plate and me peeing in the same shot. I sure hope to be sharing that image with you soon.

The night came and it was time for Rocky and Dave's Krunkest Kwismas Party. Thanks for the cocktails boys! Headed from there, grabbed a Turkey Muffletta at the Quick Check and hit up North Mississippi All Stars at Minglewood. Great show, watered down drinks, and a fun crowd. A good time was had by all.

Sunday AM came too soon. Hit Billy Simpson up for a trail run at the Forest. Great conversation and a beautiful run through the park. 1hr15 minutes flew by! Felt great, and legs still feel awesome today. Quite a refreshing change from the lingering soreness due to the beating on the pavement! Hit the shower, then hit La Guadalapana for a killa burrito. A few brews with the boys downtown, then dinner with Dad at La Playita for SumMo Mexican. Mmmm!! Heading home and decided to meet some friends at Los Compadres...What!! Back up Mayne! Mexican for the 3rd time! Texas Style on the Rocks no doubt. Saw Z Perry, Kenny, and Shobbs too. Good times.

tasteless turkey burger and soft core porn

Had a few beers at Raffe's yesterday with some guys from cirque du velos. Got hungry on the way home and decided a West Coast turkey burger from Hueys hasn't been consumed in a while. I roll in solo, sit at the bar no doubt, and order my burger and a Stella from the seasoned veteran of a bartender. You can tell if a bartender has 30+yrs in the business by the incredible lack of hygiene, stained t-shirt, mom jeans, and a tattoo on the forearm. While sippin on my Stella, veteran bartender (whom will be referred to as "Kenny" from here forward) is determined to change the channel on the TV. While currently playing football, Kenny grabs the remote and begins to channel surf. Since it is DirecTV, I get to see a brief text describing the program playing currently at the top of the screen. As Kenny is surfing, he comes across "Women's High School Swimming" and stops. Immediately I decide if this stays on, I am getting another beer. He then casually keeps surfing, only to stop, and reverse his surf so that we soon come across "Women's High School Swimming" again! Hell Yeah! I am on the verge of calling and inviting others to come meet me to watch, boosting Kenny's tip income for the evening, along with Hueys food and liquor sales. Like a true dick, Kenny then changes it back to the original football that was previously playing! I am now frustrated mentally after watching that horrific use of remote control power, lost my semi, and am just ready to eat my dry-ass turkey burger so I can leave.

Thanks Kenny! I can watch black dudes in tights chase a damn ball around a field any day, but when an opportunity presents itself to stare at hot, fit, prepubescent girls while drinking a beer, without having to worry about any legal repercussions; you seize that motha-fu*king opportunity Kenny!

Christmas Music

(Please note the best Jewish Jesus image I could find)

The birth of Christ is quite a holiday. Hanukkah is not. Ya'll put up lights, decorate trees, spend money like water, and play the most awful music in every single store and gas station I go into. You know what kind of music is playing in Israel right now? Not a single Hanukkah song! Now I can cope with yall's festivities, but now the tanning bed too!? That is where I got to relax in silence, or listen to Molly Cyrus, American Idols, and Lady GaGa (or whatever the 16yr. old leathery looking girl from Southaven is "totally into" that day).

December for Clark: Long Runs, Long Bike Rides, Internet Shopping ONLY, and now Mandatory Ipod use in the tanning bed. Thank You for all of that.

People gave me some grief this year as I successfully celebrated my Birthday for over 2 weeks. Now I am not Jesus, believe it or not, but dudes birthday starts the day after Thanksgiving and runs till the 1st of the year. And for some neighborhoods, the lights stay on the home till well into March. We Jews notice details like this.

"Pickled Liver and the Fox" - My bedtime story

Friday - Found a great home, made an offer on it, then headed to Boscos. Saw some great people, had a sub-par pizza (always consistent though) then headed to 1912. A few glasses of tasty wine and before I knew it I was being shown photos on Saturday to inform me of my behavior after leaving 1912. I was clothed in a few of em.

Saturday - Attempted to ride, but the cold wind hitting my vagina lips made me turn around and head home for a trainer workout. Saturday night, wine and cheese at the girls place, then downtown for Sette's Studio 64 at Ernstine & Hazels (sp?). Had a kick-ass time, enjoyed meeting a ton of good looking people, danced with an old lady who kept pressing her cone shaped boobs against me. A bit uncomfortable, but I got over it quick. See pic below, but imagine older

Sunday - Woke up with sparkling lip gloss on my stomach, kick-ass. Rode the trainer again as the cold-combined with misting rain isn't for me, or my bike I just cleaned. Hopped off then went for a run. First run back since Vegas 1/2 last week. Kings of Leon "Closer" blaring while trekking down Stonewall was awesome. I wonder if it smelled like pure Gin behind me as I was running? Chillin party of 1 then headed to see Fantastic Mr. Fox. Felt like a pedophile as the theater was filling up. Great, a white dude who feels like MoLester was at Paradiso, or as I call it "Para-skree-show" due to the overwhelming amount of thug life and patrol vehicles in the parking lot. Either way a bad combination, but ultimately a great movie!

Office Luncheon today, bag packed to hit the gym after work, then headed to Sunny Cordova for Hanukkah to see the lucky two who have the pleasure to call themselves, "My Parents". Latkes, Apple Sauce, and Chronic. Mmmmmmm....

Welcome back

Friends, Family, and Admirers,

I welcome you all back to my educational and inspirational writings. I have taken several months away from sharing my stories in writing, but for some reason I consistently keep finding myself in bad ass situations which everyone needs to know about. If you were a fan of my last blog, then this one will not disappoint. My highly educational views towards current events, celebrities, life lessons, homosexual encounters, cycling, people that suck, and an array of other fascinating topics will all be in abundance. The only difference here is that I will remain anonymous. There will be no mention of my name, however ladies (and some dudes), don't you worry, the pics will still come in bountiful amounts.

Share my blog with your friends, both the ones you like, and the ones you don't.

Happy Hanukkah.